My lifestyle is going to undergo some mega big changes again. In the next few months or even years ahead, i have thrown myself into yet another hectic working schedules once more. Despite of the fact that i dread the erractic working hours as i made the decision to join CT, something just told me that i cannot let opportunity slip off. The reasons for turning down the offer are not substantial after i went through the checklist. Yes, i always like CT as much as i like MRI and ultrasound. The long working hours due the high frequency on call rates is a big turnoff coupled with the "man-made" stressful working environment. Something just kept dwelling me that this is the designated path. Sigh..... i cannot complain next time coz many pple have already advised me not to go into it. yet i chose to .........

i realised that pple around me have developed this "high" expectation of me.... i just want to say,"i am not as good as what u think." i have been getting comments that i have been performing very well so far,, frankly,,,,i don't think so... i still have a long way to go before reaching the "good" standards u guys are talking about. The added on pressures knowing that pple now expect more out of me... is not fun at all.... Well, i have to just pace myself and not to be affected by external expectation. Coz it is already a pretty difficult task to keep up with my own expectations. Just be myself and continue to be myself as long as i get the satisfaction i need to get on with work.

Putting long hours at work will mean that i have to sacrifice my personal time once again,,,, i am not sure how i can squeeze my future music lessons,my japanese lessons ,, and my current driving lessons,, which are already difficult to slot into my working schedule. hmmmmm....... have to replan everything again.... damn it ...why can't i just choose to concentrate on my personal life rather than putting work in the higher priority. My initial plan is to get a stable job and devote more time on the leisure activities i wanted to take up when i was younger,,, Now i am back to the same old situation where work is going to take majority of my time. This is so damn irritating sometimes....