There are some changes in the department as i mentioned last time. i have no ideas which directions the changes are heading. However, there may be some positive consequences since there's new blood to push some reforms of policies and setting up new policies. i guess with those so far, i could see more communication bridges among the management. Hopefully, this will reduce the degree of miss communication among them.

As for myself, i have entered another stage of dilemma as in which career pathway i am heading towards. Being a "greedy" person, i dun want to be in a bottle neck in a situation which will hindered my exposure or switch of institute next time. Any form of changes which will lower my market value are not welcomed. However, it seems like i dun have a choice. i could only persist on the grounds i have built and make sure they are able to fulfill my needs before i agreed to embark in the journey they have set for me.

Why do i always find myself in this kind of situation? i know what i dun want to do, but they just like to put me to that pathway. Am i really have the criteria or have the undertakings to succeed in that area which i hate to be involved in? Maybe i have the answers all along , just that i choose to avoid and convinced myself that i dun belong to that level.

Well i just have to take careful steps ahead during negotiations and ensure that i have what i want on top of what they want me to do.

Sometimes u just had to admit that u really cannot go on anymore so that your mind will give signals to your body system that the time has come for you to take a rest. That's kinda weird but that's what your mind can do. The brain actually takes control of everything. Thus makes the mind power even more valuable than anything else. With a strong power of the mind, it is amazing to see how far it could take u through with regardless of the difficulties ahead.

i thought i made the right decision to call in mc so that i could rest for a while. My gastric was bad that it kept giving me cramps and my eyelids felt heavy that i could not even open them to get a glimpse of the morning light. i have to admit that i am not young as before, the mechanism inside me needs servicing in order to go on the viscous cycle again.

Although i dread going to work now, i still like my job and what i do. Just that i could not really control my temper when i am at work due to certain circumstances. I do hate myself for that as the others also do not wish to be scolded or be treated rudely when it was not their faults too. i am such a hard nut to crack.

Anyway, there's nothing i could do but to endure and survived and wait for my chance to move to another area. Time will come and i will be prepared to move on to another stage of my career.

Yes, this is going to be my last week of my one month shift work. Thought i would have some problem completing one month of shift. Nearly tired of exhaustion since there's this big problem of sleeping patterns. Yup, at this hour, i am still wide awake, perhaps my body clock is getting ready for my night duty tomorrow night.

Had a good cry just now after watching the entire drama serial, "God, Please Give me More time". A rather old japanese drama on love story between a HIV patient and a infamous music producer. It was one of my all time favourites during my japanese drama craze days. Not that i wanted to go through the memory lane again. Just that i need to release some tension from work and life.

Yes, i am again trying to ask myself what i want in life again. Am i going towards my goal again.

Getting depressed with the work situation at work. Some changes at work which may not affect me directly but the impact is there. Maybe i am too accustomed to my working partners. They are leaving for the benefit of their lives ahead, for the greener pastures. Just going to give them my blessings although i cannot imagine life without them. i will get by and find new ways of coping with work without them by my side. Working environment is not going to be pleasant in the months ahead of me. However, i am confident that i could survive the ordeal and grow from this experience.

Just hope that i continue to steer myself out of the course and survive till i get to be trained in the area i want to be.