i always think that i am bad in handling office politics. True enough. sometimes i could not control my emotions and just snapped at pple's comments and remarks. Damn bad right ...

we went chongqing steamboat yesterday for dinner. i always like to hang out with friends and "gossip" over dinner. Hee hee very very long time never do this type of activities . Kinda of miss it.

Anyway, sometimes we still need to keep track of what could be said and not to be said coz we dunno where our comments get to who's ears. So dangerous !!!!

Now, i still wondering what should i do for the future!!!!

Today was a bad bad day.......

i dunno what happened today, everything just went in the wrong way. My inpatients came down without informing me and i was in the midst of performing ct head scan. The whole evening, i was occupied with answering phonecalls and ct scans including the body scans. If not for cxh who was happened to be around to do the x rays , i dun think i have the time to do any of the x rays.

Then came that unhappy incident with the emd person. i guess i was pretty impulsive to talk back over his last remarks about showing him some respect then he would consider helping me. It's uncontrollable when i heard that remark out from his mouth. What respect he command when he did not even assist the nurse and me to transfer the patient over from the trolley to my examination couch. We could barely move the patient when he just hold on to the drawsheet. After i shifted his upper body, i still need to pull his lower body with all my might and him standing there lending eye power. Fine... i was fine with that. But after the scan, he just went to stand outside the door leaving us three ladies to do the transfer. Oh please, that's where i got frustrated. So i asked the nurse if he would help to transfer, she shake her head. So i went up to him and asked him," so you are not going to help me transfer the patient?". His reply was, " the three of u can handle right?". We were all gals, and the patient was really very heavy. Anyway, that's my reply to him... we are all gals. Then came the respect remark which i retorted, "but your are the one who did not show respect to us in the first place."

Hee hee guess that sort of like provoked him. That when he asked for my name.... i even spelt it out for him. Too bad, i forgot to ask him his name. Want to complain... complain lor... i just fed up of people like him who just lend eye power and not help with the transfer. i have back problems and cannot carry heavy weight. Every time i over exert myself, i would bleed a little. For one whole month, i have been bleeding slightly. besides due to my scoliosis, i always feel that my spleen is going to be ruptured by my ribs sooner or later. Coz can feel sharp pain every time after work. Should i ruin my health over such matter. Not worth it lor..... you think u are the only one taking care of your back.

What has happened to the health care system now? The incident which had happened to my LA grandma recently was so unbelievable. Just a few days ago, i mentioned that she was admitted to the hospital again and might need to amputate her foot. Just yesterday, we received news from my auntie telling us the scheme behind the whole story for having the amputation.

The truth was there was no need for amputation of her legs at all. It was just a DVT which could be solved by other treatment. Luckily, my auntie grew supicious after one or two of her friends including me who are working in the medical field started to bomdbard her with questions as her condition of her legs, how bad was the appearance blah blah ... and that alerted her that my grandma's condition was not really that bad to warrant an amputation. Hence, she decided to get a second opinion from the cardiologist whom treated her last round of heart failure episode. Thus discovered the scheme behind which involvement of insurance claims. Oh my goodness!!! How could they do such terrible actions to their patients? This was unforgivable!!!! Luckily, we managed to stop that from happening. Just imagine if the other patient who might not be so lucky would have his or her leg amputated for nothing.

i was so shocked to hear that. Honestly, i have never thought we would ever encountered such events in our lives. We choose to believe in the medical workers to save life and not to bring more harm to us. How are we going to regain faith in them ever again?

This was so sad !!!!!

Last night was our annual party. This time, we had decided to hold the party indoor again at FIC reception area. There's so much to be done. The night before, we were still sourcing for our prizes and clothes to wear for the committe. To add to our confusion, that company who sold us our doorgifts got the inscription wrongly printed. That's the ultimate mistakes i ever encountered in my life so far. That was absolutely unacceptable. Our host we initially hired for the event was also down with chicken pox. Then we realised that we dun have enough umbrellas for the games. Luckily, we have managed to secure some pretty good lucky draw prizes.

The event was considered rather successful although some complained that the duration was too long. Some just want to eat and stayed for the lucky draw then go home. Dun bother to mingle around. The entire night, i dun have the chance to mingle coz i was helping initially with the distribution of the door gift, then went on with the distribution of the prizes, in between i had to take charge of the PA sound system. i had no idea why i was taking care of so many backstaged job as my peers were busy on the stage. Anyway, i liked to work backstage. However, there was something wrong the microphone halfway through which i could not figure out what's really went wrong. It 's definitely not the system problem coz i did not make any adjustments except for the vloume level. It was working fine in the first quarter of the party. Anyway, we managed to pull that off.

The group performances which the various group had put up were fantastic. They were really cool and fun people to be with. Had a very good laugh. Thanks to those who offer to look after the gifts while i slipped off to help people to play their music for their performance. Worth my night searching for the 60's music. In the end, i left the disc in the player. They dun even bother to check if there's cd in there before shutting down the system. Sigh!!!!

After the entire event, we were all both tired and hungry. i dunno about others but a few of the com members dun get to enjoy the food. We decided to go macs for dinner after that. Then came the issue of which car to take. In the end, no one takes the boss car. i know it was not appropriate. However, i was too tired and i dun want to make the effort to talk politically correct topic although the person is a very nice person. My friends who know me well will know that i dun like to do all these things about building rapport with bosses. Just do whatever assigns to me and i will try to complete the job in the best effort i could.... end of story. Not that free to do so many background stuff to gain attention.

For us, committe members of 07, we did our best to provide leisure activities throughout the year. The bowling sessions, batam trip and the birthday lunches were organised. Thanks to great leader and advisor, we were able to pull through the events rather successfully. i was looking forward to hand over to the next batch of creative members to carry on serving the department. Hope things would get better and not worse.

After one week of CT, i will be back on shift tomorrow. Not feeling really good about it coz i still have not recovered from last shift block yet. Come to think about it, it is really easier if i am on shift the entire month rather than two weeks shift and followed by one week office hours then shift again. Well, i hoped that we have that ample manpower to do that.

Till now, i still could not believe that i actually stayed up for 24 hours without catching a wink yesterday. The previous night i only managed to sleep for about 4 hours and due to the mega PACS outage over the weekend which spilled over to weekdays, i was asked to go back to give backup support to the night shift pple during the estimated 5 hours outage again. Left the work place at around 7 plus, reached home had dinner and bath and rot in front of my tv watching bryan and guo huang on home decor, then caught the news at ten before leaving for the hospital again. Supposed to sleep during these 3 to 4 hours but was too alert then. So stayed up till about 6 am which finally i could not keep my eyes opened anymore. CCS was urging to sleep then.

i was expected to continue my normal duties for the day which is CT. Oh my, i knew i could not function for the day with that barely 2 hours of sleep. Although it was like on call, even CT on call i dun stayed up 5 hours straight through the night. i still get some rest in between. Anyway, i expected if i was to take time off today, i would not be able to claim that 5 hours in the wee hours as on call but as time off hours. Besides, i really wanted the money, i should have called in sick today. But the thing is , i am not sick just tired. i dun want to take MC just because i want to claim the on call money. This is going to be damn sad lor. This is just ridiculous about the protocol , the unspoken rules for im promtus duty.

i am really really very tired. The time i have spent fulfilling my additional roster duties , updating the time off thingy , not forgetting i dun even have the time to come up with the software to better record the time off statistics. Am i too full of myself that i am capabale of coping with so many things in my hands? i have been making mistakes here and there at work, think that's the consequence of not having sufficient rest and blah blah blah. Sometimes i just hate myself, why i agreed to take up so many things. i could choose simple and carefree life. Just go to work and not to bother by other additional duties which occupies my private time. Practicaly, i dun have my own life. i dun enjoy my leisure time. At times, i was just too tired to do anything so i chose to watch online drama to keep my attention away from work. away of thinking what things have to be done and what are things i have not done. When i am on shift duties, i dun stayed back as often to update the time off thingy but i always makes sure that i update everything probably once i am back on office hours. All these effort left invisible coz i always got sms to please update this and that after one or two weeks of not updating it due to the shift duties. How much time i need to put in and left unsaid. I dun need to be recognized but i just hate being reminded for this and that when it is not that i purposely never update promptly. i have my own style. i set my own targets if i have never been told the target. i dun sit in front of the pc all the time like office work. Maybe i really dun really know how to manage my time properly .

Things at home have not been going fine either. My mum just had a relapse of her right calcaneum pain which hindered her movement greatly. She still very active but tolerating the pain through the entire day. My dad also have problem with his legs after the rooftop accident last year which he refused to seek treatment. Instead , he kept insisting that he is fine. Saw him massaging his legs every night claiming that they are numb. However, still refused to seek treatment. Why are we always like that? Always like to delay treatment? that's refer to me as well. Mum is busy helping dad with his business, and she was too tired to do house chores. So naturally, i have to take the bulk of it. Sometimes, i dun even have to time to do the laundry on time and this spite grumblings from the guys at home.. ...

Just then, i checked my email and found out about my LA grandma was hospitalized again. THis time, suspected arteries blockage of her lower extremities and may required to perform amputation if the condition was bad after looking at the angiogram to be performed tomorrow. That will be too devastating for the old lady. Her heart is not doing well too only pumping at 25% with bacteria infected blood. Sounds really terrible right.

This month before CNY has always been a bad patch for me. Coz i have to cope with the extra activities in the preparation of CNY. This is the most stressful part of the entire year. It is during this period , i would always have mental breakdown which i will give things up easily coz there are just too much for me to cope.

Dun worry i just grumbles....

Now it is back to the question if i need to take a degree course to compliment my diploma course or not. It is going to be a tough decision due to the limited choice of university offering distance learning. And to make the matter worse, i dun really like the two universities. That sounds really bad huh.

Do i really need to obtain the degree for further advancement in my career? If i really want to make a slight career switch to something related, i must go for a degree. And that degree might be a computer degree coz i want to go into PACS. Makes sense?

My last night duty for this block of shift duties. phew!!!!

i am really very very tired especially for this block. it was so damn busy over the new year ph. The eve was very bad. There were just so many patients at ANE this year. Lack of water and stuff had left me with a flu. To make the matter worse, i am still second on call for CT tonight. This was frustrating coz i could not take my cold medicine as i would definitely knocked out after that.

Honestly speaking, there were times which i paused and pondered over the question should i continue on. Despite the fact that i do enjoy the job satisfaction. however, sometimes my body just want to surrender to the harsh conditions.

What a way to start my brand new year 2008!!!

Anyway, i have another year to go before i could gain my "official freedom" again. Dun like to be bonded. Never will!@!!!