i happened to meet one of favourite doctor along the corridor on my way home. We started a short conversation on taking a walk from our hospital to mrt instead of taking public transport. He suggested that we all could unwind our stressful day by taking a long walk in order to slow down our pace. i do agree with him that that's a good way to destress. i used to do that just that after i started working again, by the end of the day, i am usually too tired to take such relaxing walk. Besides, there's so many constructions going on along the way to mrt station, not very healthy for our lungs.

Then he commented that i had a good pair of walking shoes, i should start walking and get a healthy lifestyle. i wish lor .... i like the living in pretentious part. about me carrying a deuter bag but not putting it in good use. sorry but i am not as sporty as i may appear to be. =)

i stopped and pondered over my life again. What i really really want in life? Well, looks like i still have not find my answer to this question? Why am i still lost and confused over what i want in life after living for almost 30 years of my life. Although this is perfectly normal for one to be confused and uncertain of what he or she wants in life, i thought after being a human being for 30 years, there might be a chance that i may have found the answer to my question. Unfortunately, i am still searching for the answer till now. Maybe that's the reason why my hairs were gradually turning whiter as compared to a few years ago.

the september roster is finally published. Yet, i could still found mistakes in it. Sigh ,,,,, still making minor changes to it. Sometimes, i just hate myself for being so meticulous to the point that anything wrong with the formats like the borders are not aligned due to some copy and paste mistakes.. i would make amendment to the format whenever i spot any formatting errors. This could drive me nuts. My ms perfectionist nature has come back to my life and is haunting me right now. i just want everything to appear nice and pretty in the intranet. Apart from my training and practices i cultivated in my OAC days, i really could not recall any part of my life which i acquired such a nature. Not even my parents. They are not as perfectionists as i .

My eyes were very very tired and my white hairs have increased in numbers. i wonder if it is due my poor diet or lack of beauty sleep. Sometimes i could feel that my eyes are very puffy and tired. Probably i should take a day off and just sleep at home.

Another task accomplished. Well, although i could still spot mistakes in the roster i scheduled, i should be able to declare that it is finally completed. At least for now with no changes. It has been such a tiring job juggling on calls, locum and roster. i really nearly surrender to the stress for the past few weeks or rather too tired to do any other activities in my life. My parents as well as my auntie were complaining about my hectic lifestyle. They dun want me to take up the locum and on call duties. According to their descriptions, i have become very pale and have indeed shrunk in size. hmm,,, i did weigh myself just now. I still weighed 42kg. Nothing to boast about but at least the figure was above the 40kg mark. yes pple i know i need to rest. I try my best to get as much rest as possible. i shall try. okie =)

yes ,,finally, i completed all my ct on calls duties for the month of august. Just feel so damn good about it. No more panicking over not able to hear my phone rang in the middle of the night and worried that i would not be able to get back within half and hour. Sometimes, i just too lazy to travel back and fro. i rather stayed in hospital. But very often there's no calls for me if i stayed in as compared to me staying at home. Stupid right.

Everyone commented that i am losing weight again. Sigh what to do lor ... i am trying very hard to maintain my current weight. Had to read up more about ct scans coz someone asked me questions about ct and i was not able to give answer.

had great fun at the dinner later in the evening. =)

Just completed my ct on call duties for the week. It means i have two more days to go for the month of August. Well, running ct on call duties for three consecutive workdays were terrible. i always think that i could handle the workload. Well, i must admit that i was totally wrong. Maybe i am still adapting the nature of on call duties since i was never really activated for general on call duties so far. It's the problem of breaking the sleep momentum and forced yourself to wake up to perform the scans. Of course, the significant reduced in the hours of sleep was not a problem. The only big issue is that there's still the morning duty waiting for you on the following day. That's what makes the on call business tiring and terrible. On the second day, i was making various mistakes and was already very much in the "brain not working" state of mind. Luckily, i was able to take a wink for about an hour before they activated me for on call duties again. i am a night person, so even with the reduced number of sleeping hours, i could still function. But my brain keeps telling me that i need to rest especially my eyes. Had so much difficulties keeping them open during the day. -P

My parents and brothers (family) were all protesting against my on call duties. Yes i need the money so i decided to put in extra hours for on call duties. That's one of the way which i could earn extra money for the time being. Since i only started like 2 weeks ago, i supposed they were not very used to the fact that i was always rushing back to hospital in the middle of night and not getting sufficient rest for the day. i know that they are just concern about my health especially i still have something i need to follow up and HOPEFULLY i dun sit on it any further just in case it turned out to be something pretty nasty. Another reason for putting in the extra hours was to stress my body to the limit so that i can assess my mental and physical tolerance to such duties. Knowing the limits then i could take or give away the duties when i know i could not take it ,,,then no need to stress my body again. Hmmm..looks like i am pretty weak to take 3 days consecutives on call duties. =)

Finally, i got to rest after the on call duties. Next week, i really hoped that i could survived through another round of on call duties for the month of August. Sometimes, i think i am getting too ambitious that i could make it through the ordeal. Really keeping my fingers crossed here. At least i got a good sleep last night since they did not wake me up in the middle of the night. However, at 7 am sharp, while i was on my way to work, they called me back for two urgent cases. So off i went out of the mrt and went straight to get on board a taxis to rush back for the trauma case. The saturday list was bad today with all the add ons and the help we got from our assistance. Damn frustrated working with people who dun help u to transfer patients and just let you survive on your own. It's worst when they dun even bother to ask if you need help unless u called out to them. Things would be better and faster if they render more assistance. What to do .... this is life!!!

Finally, i bought a new handphone. It's spring yellow in colour. Nope, it's not a nokia phone. Neither was it a 3G phone. Just went for a cheap phone with minimal function. THat's so unlike me right. Have to save the money for future course and my car and maybe my medical fees if required.

Am i working myself too hard to get the money?