Till now, i still could not believe that i actually stayed up for 24 hours without catching a wink yesterday. The previous night i only managed to sleep for about 4 hours and due to the mega PACS outage over the weekend which spilled over to weekdays, i was asked to go back to give backup support to the night shift pple during the estimated 5 hours outage again. Left the work place at around 7 plus, reached home had dinner and bath and rot in front of my tv watching bryan and guo huang on home decor, then caught the news at ten before leaving for the hospital again. Supposed to sleep during these 3 to 4 hours but was too alert then. So stayed up till about 6 am which finally i could not keep my eyes opened anymore. CCS was urging to sleep then.

i was expected to continue my normal duties for the day which is CT. Oh my, i knew i could not function for the day with that barely 2 hours of sleep. Although it was like on call, even CT on call i dun stayed up 5 hours straight through the night. i still get some rest in between. Anyway, i expected if i was to take time off today, i would not be able to claim that 5 hours in the wee hours as on call but as time off hours. Besides, i really wanted the money, i should have called in sick today. But the thing is , i am not sick just tired. i dun want to take MC just because i want to claim the on call money. This is going to be damn sad lor. This is just ridiculous about the protocol , the unspoken rules for im promtus duty.

i am really really very tired. The time i have spent fulfilling my additional roster duties , updating the time off thingy , not forgetting i dun even have the time to come up with the software to better record the time off statistics. Am i too full of myself that i am capabale of coping with so many things in my hands? i have been making mistakes here and there at work, think that's the consequence of not having sufficient rest and blah blah blah. Sometimes i just hate myself, why i agreed to take up so many things. i could choose simple and carefree life. Just go to work and not to bother by other additional duties which occupies my private time. Practicaly, i dun have my own life. i dun enjoy my leisure time. At times, i was just too tired to do anything so i chose to watch online drama to keep my attention away from work. away of thinking what things have to be done and what are things i have not done. When i am on shift duties, i dun stayed back as often to update the time off thingy but i always makes sure that i update everything probably once i am back on office hours. All these effort left invisible coz i always got sms to please update this and that after one or two weeks of not updating it due to the shift duties. How much time i need to put in and left unsaid. I dun need to be recognized but i just hate being reminded for this and that when it is not that i purposely never update promptly. i have my own style. i set my own targets if i have never been told the target. i dun sit in front of the pc all the time like office work. Maybe i really dun really know how to manage my time properly .

Things at home have not been going fine either. My mum just had a relapse of her right calcaneum pain which hindered her movement greatly. She still very active but tolerating the pain through the entire day. My dad also have problem with his legs after the rooftop accident last year which he refused to seek treatment. Instead , he kept insisting that he is fine. Saw him massaging his legs every night claiming that they are numb. However, still refused to seek treatment. Why are we always like that? Always like to delay treatment? that's refer to me as well. Mum is busy helping dad with his business, and she was too tired to do house chores. So naturally, i have to take the bulk of it. Sometimes, i dun even have to time to do the laundry on time and this spite grumblings from the guys at home.. ...

Just then, i checked my email and found out about my LA grandma was hospitalized again. THis time, suspected arteries blockage of her lower extremities and may required to perform amputation if the condition was bad after looking at the angiogram to be performed tomorrow. That will be too devastating for the old lady. Her heart is not doing well too only pumping at 25% with bacteria infected blood. Sounds really terrible right.

This month before CNY has always been a bad patch for me. Coz i have to cope with the extra activities in the preparation of CNY. This is the most stressful part of the entire year. It is during this period , i would always have mental breakdown which i will give things up easily coz there are just too much for me to cope.

Dun worry i just grumbles....