In the midst of doing x rays during wee hours yesterday, a scenario suddenly flashed in front of me. What if i injured myself at that point of time? What if the injury is going to cause permanent damage to my hands. Beside the point of me being handicapped for life , this also means that i can no longer play my piano or guitars and other instruments for the rest of my life. That's the last scenario i would want to be in...........

Yes, i have asked myself what i really want eventually when i hit 35 or 40 years old which is not too far away. Firstly, i want to be out of shift work... my body is failing me .. i get more and more tired with shiftwork. For the past years, i could survive 2 nights consecutively without feeling too tired. This year, i only barely survived my second night without sleep. i felt very drained after that. My post night off day was spent sleeping most of the time and even if i am awake like now, i feel very tired ...so much so that i could not start to plan the roster. i dun feel like doing anything but just to rest my brain. This is really bad as time is wasted like this .. but at the same time i get to take a break from work. However, that did not clear my sleeping debt too. Sounds complicated.

By the time i hit 40 years old, i want to go part time .... that may not be possible as i dun even saved enough to survive the rest of my life. THat' s not realistic so i have to work hard these few years to accomplish that goal. i need time to relax to learn more leisure activities such as calligraphy etc etc.

i wonder....